How to Help Your ADHD Child Build Self-Esteem

Most children with ADHD gradually, even with excellent home and school support, have some decrease in self-esteem and confidence. They may also become demotivated. The struggle and difficulty they have with their work usually means that within two to three years of starting school – sometimes sooner – self-esteem can become more fragile. It is essential to provide support and protection for self-esteem.

Careful listening, sharing and caring can help a child feel valued, as can giving the child your undivided attention. Saying ‘yes’ rather than ‘I’ll do it later’ can be very important.

Encourage children with ADHD to have a sense of belonging, loyalty and responsibility to a larger group, and to contribute and feel connected to it. It is a good idea to ask their help for specific tasks, whether this is in the family, at school, in a sports club, at cubs or in an orchestra. Children with low self-esteem tend to feel isolated and worthless. Those around them need to help them feel they are contributing to a larger group and are valued within it.

Schools need to encourage all pupils to feel ‘connected’ by allowing time in the curriculum to meet in tutor groups, assemblies, matches, art exhibitions, musical events, cooking for the staff, woodwork demonstrations, and so on – and not just the very talented. Allow all children to participate, especially those who would not usually get an opportunity. If they are less able and won’t be selected to play in the A team or the orchestra, another team or group should be formed where such children can participate and feel involved. All pupils should be involved with an activity in which they would be letting the rest of the group down if they did not turn up, had not learned their lines or remembered their instrument, etc.

Ask for the child’s suggestions as to what he thinks would help him to remember to learn his lines/bring his musical instrument and turn up at the right time, on the right day. Enlist the help of his parents in establishing and implementing suitable strategies. Encourage him to appreciate how he might feel if another pupil let him or other members of the group down and also what effect this would have on the activity. Help him to understand how important his role is to everyone’s overall enjoyment and let him see that you are genuinely interested in the part he plays in the group. Ask him about it. Show him the importance of being reliable. Remember to praise him for his commitment and efforts to become a valued member of the group.