How to Deal With the Three Major Children Behavior Problems


Only children

The only child is often said to be lonely, spoiled and over-influenced by adults. There is a seed of truth in this, but there is more to the story. On average, the only child gets more stimulation, education and individual i attention at home. This shows as a slight increase in academic ability, and they are more in tune with adult thinking.

The downside for the child is the lack of company and absence of a playmate. They may be weaker in the skills they need to mix with other children. Their attitudes may be too adult and their talk can be inappropriate for a child.

There are more only children born to older or sole parents. One of these groups is disadvantaged by lack of energy, the other by lack of cash. But when you add it all up it’s a case of swings and roundabouts. If we use a good preschool and arrange for extra mixing with other children, everyone is a winner.

Different Children Behaviour

I believe that an extended family upbringing is of more importance than having a brother or sister. This lets children see their roots and gives them experience with babies and family relationships and a respect for the elders of the tribe. There is a saying, ‘It takes a village to raise a child.’ I think a village full of people is more important than a brother or sister m an empty city.

Pocket money

Little children have no need for pocket money before they start school. A six-year-old gets a small allowance that is usually squandered or lent to their sister, the con-artist. But by the age of eight years the potential Bonds and Bransons have realized that money talks. These short-pants entrepreneurs can be motivated by the sight of a silver coin, but by teenage it takes crisp notes, gold bars or share-option certificates to have the same effect.

The amount of pocket money depends on how much you can afford, what extras the child must buy and your neighborhood norm. After this, you have three choices:

1) Pay a fixed weekly sum that is reviewed each year, with adjustments based on inflation, the world economy and how you are feeling on” that day.

2) Provide a base salary, and then pay double for each day that work is completed without reminders or complaint.

3) With older children you can draw up a carefully costed contract. List what purchases will come from consolidated revenue and those they must fund themselves. Agree on a fee-for-service scheme where you are charged a small levy for every chore. This provides a basic wage with extra pay for productivity.

Pretend friends

At my age, if I start talking to imaginary people you would probably call for an ambulance. But normal young children are allowed to talk and play with pretend people.

This occurs in about one in ten children, usually starting at about the age of three years, an age of Technicolor imagination. The friend is usually of the same sex as the child and always has a name. To the outsider there is an air of reality, but the child is actually quite aware of what is fact and fiction. Imaginary friends are not a sign of disturbance, loneliness or emotional stress. They are more common in girls and may signify a more creative style of temperament.

If your child prattles on to some pretend person, just relax and enjoy this brief window of undisturbed innocence. These friends have usually evaporated by the age of six years. Some children befriend an animal. One little boy used to bring a dinosaur on a rope when he visited me in my office.

Some families chat to objects as a bit of fun. One well-known Australian told how his daughter loved the Sydney Harbor Bridge. Every time they drove across she talked to the bridge and her dad joined in to keep her company. ‘Recently,’ he said, ‘my daughter and I were driving across with my mother-in-law. I talked to the bridge as usual, at which point Grandma asked, “What’s your father up to?” My daughter looked blank and replied, “beats me if I know.'”

Shoplifting

Petty shoplifting is probably more common than any parent wishes to acknowledge. It is more likely when children are allowed to loiter around shops or they associate with friends who set the wrong example.

With shoplifting, it is easier to pretend it never happened, but parents and child must front up to the shop. It’s tough, but unless the child faces up to their actions no lesson is learnt. Goods must be returned and if this is not possible, repayment comes from future pocket money. Don’t set impossible reparation demands: this is how the Second World War started.

In my experience, children from functional families will usually respond to a firm, friendly, non-critical approach. Some parents introduce the offending child to the local constable who gives some fatherly advice, but this is further than most need to go.

If stealing ever becomes a major problem, you may need to seek help from a psychologist or community clinic.

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About the Author: Roberta Southworth is a psychiatrist by profession. She likes to help out people by writing informative tips on how people can to solve their family and relationship issues. She is currently staying in Ireland. She has 5 years of couple counseling experience.

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